


Amorphous

by Xyliandra



Series: Reigisa Week [7]
Category: Free!
Genre: Confession, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Other, Reigisa Week, Trans Character, gender non-conformance, reigisa - Freeform, supportive boyfriend, trans themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:17:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyliandra/pseuds/Xyliandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After careful observation, Rei suspects Nagisa may be transgender. His attempts to show support are kinda weirding Nagisa out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amorphous

**Author's Note:**

> I tried very hard to be sensitive and accurate in my characterizations. A good friend, who is gender fluid, offered a lot of insight, but of course every person addresses things differently. If you feel I could have handled something better, I would love to talk about it!

"Rei, are you wearing nail polish?" Rin asked with a cocked eyebrow. Rei held his hands in front of his face and inspected his nails.

"My nails are clean," he stated slowly, turning his hands around as if to say 'see?'

"No, your toes," Rin indicated with jerk of his head and a grin. "They're purple."

"Lilac," Rei corrected, glancing down. "And it would appear you are correct."

"Why the hell are you wearing nail polish?" Rei shrugged.

"Why not?" Rei asked calmly. "It doesn't affect my swimming capabilities, so I fail to see why it is an issue. The psychological impact of wearing a color associated with ambition may even improve my performance."

"Woooow, is purple associated with ambition Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked excitedly.

"Among other aspirational traits, including intelligence, compassion, and individuality."

"No wonder you like purple so much; it's the perfect color for you Rei-chan!" Rei blushed faintly.

"It holds other meanings as well," he explained, adjusting his glasses in embarrassment. "Color theory is quite fascinating actually. There are scientific studies-"

"We ain't in science class speedo-glasses." Rin crossed his arms with annoyance. "Let's get on with the joint practice already."

"That is probably a good idea," Matoko agreed with a warm smile. "Let's start with stretches."

Nagisa peeked down at Rei's toes. "I really like your toes," he whispered happily. "That's a really good color on you."

"Th-thanks," he stuttered back softly.

"HAZUKI!  RYUGAZAKI!" Seiijuro shouted.

"Sorry!" They cried in unison.

\-----

"Hey, Rei-chan?" Nagisa poked Rei in the side. Rei looked from his book to glance at the boy seated next to him.

"Yes Nagisa-kun?" he asked patiently, carefully marking his place and closing his book.

"Nevermind," he blurt out, turning away. "Sorry, I'm bothering you right? You can keep reading your book."

"You're not bothering me Nagisa-kun. I am accustomed to you falling asleep on my shoulder after joint practices, so I thought I would read until your stop." Rei unzipped his backpack and slipped the book inside. "But I would be happy to talk with you, if you wish."

Nagisa laughed. "You sound so serious Rei-chan. I was just curious about, um," he looked around nervously and dropped his voice, "your toes. I don't remember you doing, uh, that before."

"Painting my nails?" he clarified in his normal voice. Nagisa cringed slightly, looking around to see if anyone noticed. "No, I have not painted them before. It was more difficult than I had anticipated. The first few attempts were not beautiful in the least. I am satisfied with my current results, however, I am sure I could master the technique after additional practice. " Nagisa stared at Rei for a moment.

"Do- do you plan on wearing it again Rei-chan?"

"I haven’t decided yet.”

"Oh."

They fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the ride.

\-----

“Nagisa-kun, may I ask you a question?”

Nagisa nodded and continued to chew his lunch. _Talking with your mouthful is not beautiful_ , he thought to himself with a smile.

“Why don’t you wear earrings?” Nagisa started coughing violently, his bread having found a new home in his windpipe. Rei rubbed his back in soothing circles as Nagisa tried to dislodge the food. “Are you alright Nagisa-kun?” he asked with concern.

Nagisa nodded. “Wrong pipe,” he coughed out. He took a shuddering breath after the coughs subsided, trying to regain his composure. “That’s kinda a weird question to ask. Kinda random, ya know?”

“How is it a random question when your ears are pierced?” Rei queried, gently taking a lobe in his hand. Nagisa’s hands shot up to cover his ears, pushing Rei away in the process. He lowered his face as a blush spread across his face. He could feel Rei watching him, waiting for an answer. After a while, he heard Rei careful cleaning up the remains of their lunch. Rei nudged Nagisa’s shoulder with his own, and Nagisa peeked over at his teammate. “You should wear them,” Rei instructed with a warm smile before standing up. “I think earrings would suit you.”

Nagisa hid his face in his hands as the flush grew hotter.

\-----

“Ugh, these are all so booooooring,” Nagisa complained, holding pink and black jammers in front of him. “I don’t want a bazillion of swimsuit clones like Haru-chan!" he huffed, slamming the jammers back onto the bar.

“What about this one Nagisa-kun?"

Nagisa turned to see what Rei had found. He was holding a pale pink bikini bottom with a small glittery penguin near the hip. Nagisa was fairly certain he was red with embarrassment, though Rei was apparently tactful enough to not say anything.

“Rei, that’s a _girl’s_ swimsuit. I can’t wear _bikini bottoms_ ,” he stressed, flustered.

“Is that so?” Rei held them at an arm’s length before him and looked over it appraisingly. “I thought it looked rather like the white speedo you had encouraged me to wear. I thought I recalled similar construction, both having string ties along the hips, but perhaps I was wrong.”

Nagisa grabbed the offending swimsuit from his hands and shoved it on the rack in front of him, the pink standing out against the dark jammers.

“Ya know what, I really don’t feel like getting a swimsuit today. Too much of a hassle to try them on. I don’t wanna make you stand around waiting.” He hooked his elbow around Rei’s arm. “I thought I saw a store on our way in. It looked like they had music and movies and even books and stuff,” he tugged on Rei’s arm, dragging him to the door. “I wanna see if they have they have my manga. The new book came out last week, but you were busy and I didn’t want to go aloooooooone.”

Rei let himself be led to the store’s exit. “Which series is it? Is it the one you had me start? The one with the shinigami?”

“No, no. Not that one. Are you liking it though? It’s one of my favorites. I think I kinda look like the one guy, doncha think? Have you gotten to the part where-” Nagisa babbled to on as they walked back into the mall.

\-----

Nagisa zipped up his warm-up jacket and held his carefully wrapped ball of clothing close to his chest. The clothing was folded in on itself, so that nothing was visible but his sweater vest. Nagisa opened the stall door and was surprised to see Rei was standing “casually” near the sinks. Nagisa could the tension in the taller boy’s stance. Nagisa was fairly certain Rei had never done anything casually in his life. Nagisa clutched his bundle closer and flashed a wide smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hi Rei-chan! I hope I wasn’t holding you up! Gou-chan will be pissed if you’re late for her pep-talk.” Nagisa walked over to the sink and turned the water on; hoping it would give him something to distract himself woth and encourage Rei to go ahead. He very carefully slipped his clothing under his arm, hugging it tight to his body. “You can blame me though; I’m always holding you up one way or another.”

Rei didn’t move. Nagisa stared at his hands, washing them longer than necessary. “Would it be alright if I called you Nagisa?” Rei asked gently.

Nagisa stopped washing his hands and looked up to meet Rei’s eyes in the reflection of the mirror.

“What?” Nagisa asked, taken off guard.

“Would it be alright if I just called you Nagisa, without a  –kun, or –chan attached?” He certainly hadn’t been expecting that. Nagisa turned slowly to face his teammate.

“If you want to call me just Nagisa, you can. Where this is coming from? It’s unlike Rei-chan to be so casual,” Nagisa blurted out, before realizing what he said and looking away.

“If you would prefer I call you something else, please let me know how I should call you. I would be happy to accommodate your preferences.” Nagisa shook his head, still very confused.

“It’s fine.” He looked up at Rei, trying to meet the other’s eyes. “Should I call you Rei then?” He asked hesitantly. Rei pursed his lips, before erasing any emotion from his face.

“If you wish to, I would not stop you,” he said evenly.

Nagisa studied Rei for a moment before responding, “I think I like Rei-chan better.”

Rei let out a relieved sigh and small smiled. “Me too.”

Nagisa laughed. “Then you should have just said so, silly! You can always tell me what you’re thinking.”

Rei nodded slowly. “And you can always tell me what _you’re_ thinking, Nagisa.” Nagisa felt himself blush.

“I’ll remember that.”

“We should make our way to practice,” Rei commented, glancing at his watch. “Kou-san will be furious if we miss her pep talk.”

Nagisa rolled his eyes. “ _Pissed_ , Rei-chan. You can’t do a meaningful echo and mess up the words.”

Rei chuckled.  “Someone was paying attention in literature class today.”

“Yeah, yeah. I _can_ be a good student when I want to.”

“When you want to,” Rei echoed with a smile.

“Shut up.”

\-----

“What are you reading? Another theory book?” Rin smirked, stopping to stand behind the bench the Iwatobi team was sitting on.

“You read as many theory books as he does,” Haru spoke in a monotone voice, “I saw them on your bookshelf the last time we were in your dorm.”

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Haru-chan you’ve been to Rin-chan’s dorm?” Nagisa whined, eyes wide. “And you didn’t you take any of us? I want to see RinRin’s room tooooooo.”

“Makoto was with me,” Haru added. Rin hip checked Haru in the back.

“What was it like?! What did you do?!” Nagisa babbled excitedly. Rin placed a hand on Makoto’s shoulder and leaned over to inspect Rei’s book cover.

“Wait, are you reading _manga_?” he asked in mock horror, one hand clutching his chest and the other now clutching Makoto’s shoulder. “I never thought I’d see the day. My heart can’t take this! Someone call for help!” Rei turned slightly to smack Rin with the book.

“I fail to see what is so surprising that I would read for pleasure. It is a much better use of my time than those silly video games.”

“You’re just bitter you can’t come close to touching my score,” Rin bragged. Rei shrugged. “That chick on the cover has freaky eyes," Rin observed, "They take up, like, half of her face.” Rei glanced at the cover.

“That’s a boy,” he said simply before turning his attention back to the page he was on.

“Seriously? Looks like a chick. And I’m pretty sure he's wearing chick clothes in that frame.” Rin gestured to the page Rei was on. “Did my sister force one of her gay manga on you? I told her just ‘cuz you’re weirdly obsessed with beauty doesn't mean-”

“Don't use ‘gay’ as a slur,” Rei said tersely, narrowing his eyes at Rin.

“I’m not using it as a slur.” Rin threw up his hands defensively. “The characters are legitimately gay. Two dudes makin’ out and molestin’ each other and shit.” Rei looked away from Rin and back to his book.

“Oh. My apologies then,” he mumbled, blushing with embarrassment. “And no, this is not that type story.”

“You sure? A lot start out pretty normal, then BAM butt sex. I mean, look at that dude? He’s totally gay.”

“Sounds like you know an awful lot about your ‘sister’s’ books, Rin,” Haru observed with the slightest smirk on his face.

“Yeah, well…” Rin ran his hand through his hair and looked away.

"Sexuality has nothing to do with gender presentation," Rei replied cooly before adjusting his glasses. Nagisa watched Rei closely out of the corner of his eye. “Appearing effeminate does not make one gay.”

"I wasn't trying to be offensive or anything," Rin mumbled. "It doesn't matter to me what gets ya goin'." Rei blushed at Rin’s words. "I was just teasing 'cuz I figured you out of everyone had the best shot at being normal."

"There is nothing abnormal about-" Rei began passionately before he was interrupted by Rin.

"I know. Sorry. That’s not what I meant. Bad choice of words." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. "I just..."

"Rin, you suck at teasing,” Haru stated flatly. Rin snapped his head to glare at Haru.

“Hey! You’re one to talk!” he growled back.

“Come on guys,” Makoto began, trying to position himself between the two.

Nagisa leaned forward to look at Rei, who had already set the book and his glasses aside and stood up without a sound.

“Rei-chan,” he started, but Rei adjusted his goggles and dove in the pool. Nagisa frowned, but stood up and followed suit.

\-----

Nagisa tossed his backpack in the general direction of Rei’s table and plopped on the floor. “Do you have any snacks Rei-chan? Swim practice always makes me soooooo hungry! Wasn’t it nice that Rin could come practice with us today? Swimming on his day off; he’s so dedicated!” Rei placed a plate of pastries on the table silently. Nagisa looked up at Rei and frowned at Rei’s sullen expression. “Are you okay Rei-chan?” Rei sat down without a word. “You look so… bummed out. Rin really got to you, huh?” he asked softly. Rei looked up at him and tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m fine Nagisa,” Rei said dismissively. “Why don’t we start with math today? This chapter looks like it’s particularly difficult.” Rei turned to grab his backpack but when Nagisa placed a hand on his shoulder, he stopped. Nagisa moved closer to Rei so that their knees were nearly touching.

“Rei-chan, what’s going on?” Nagisa asked gently.

Rei looked up at him, face scrunched up as if he were analyzing Nagisa. He probably was. “Pardon? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand your question.”

“You’ve been acting weird lately. And now you look all depressed. Is something wrong?” Rei shifted uncomfortably. “Is it because of what Rin said to you? Haru’s right, he’s got a terrible sense of humor. He really didn’t mean anything by it. I think he was hoping he’d have someone to…” Nagisa cut out when he noticed Rei’s expression hadn’t changed. He put a hand on Rei’s knee. “Rei it’s okay if you-”

“It’s not about me!” he called out unexpectedly. “I don’t care if Rin pokes fun at me. But…” He quieted down and looked at his hands.

“But what Rei-chan? You’re supposed to tell me what you’re thinking, remember?”

Rei sighed. “I know but…” He fiddled with his glasses.

“No buts. Just say it.”

“Must I? All my research states that it is rude to make assumptions, and I would prefer not to commit such an offense.”

Nagisa sighed in frustration. “I’m rude. Rin’s rude. You are not rude. Socially awkward maybe, but not rude. Just go ‘head and say it.”  Rei studied Nagisa, not saying anything. “Rei-chan,” he started softer, slipping his hand into Rei’s, “It’s okay. I promise I won’t be offended or anything.” He squeezed reassuringly then turned so he was facing the same direction as the other boy, his shoulder pressed against Rei’s. The way Rei’s shoulders relaxed slightly told him it was a good move.

“I was bothered by Rin’s actions today because I was worried they might make you uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” Nagisa blinked, replaying the afternoon in his head. “Like because it was really my book?” Rei shook his head. Nagisa pursed his lips. “I don’t get it.”

“He was so caught up in physical appearances and, well…” Rei trailed off. Nagisa bumped Rei’s shoulder with his own gently. Rei fidgeted with his glasses. “I suspect that you may fall under the transgender umbrella,” Rei said evenly, though he was trembling slightly. Or maybe it was Nagisa who was trembling.

“How-” _do you know?_ he thought fearfully. “How did you reach that conclusion?” he said instead.

“Careful observation. The evidence suggested that you were either very effeminate, which is perfectly acceptable, or transgender, which is also perfectly acceptable,” Rei explained calmly, as if he were discussing one of his mathematical calculations. “However, I have noticed that there are days when you carry yourself differently. It is almost imperceptible, but you act a little differently, walk a little differently. Then I started noticing that on these days, you dress separately from the team. Additionally, you wear your jacket until just before you enter the water, and then put it back on as soon as you are on deck. These led me to hypothesize that transgender would be a more apt description, but I did not want to make assumptions.

I had hoped that perhaps you might confide in me and clarify the situation after observing my actions. However it seems that they have complicated matters. I apologize that my behavior has made you uncomfortable.”

Nagisa stared straight ahead, very glad that he was not facing Rei; he wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making.

“I’m not _uncomfortable_ ,” he said slowly, thinking over how to word it. “It was just… out of character, I guess?” Rei opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when Nagisa chuckled. “So the nail polish? And the swimsuit? And the earrings? That was all…?”

“To communicate that how you choose to present yourself does not impact our relationship. You are still Nagisa.” Rei squeezed Nagisa’s hand gently. Nagisa looked down to their entwined fingers. He had forgotten they were holding hands. “Unless you wish to be addressed otherwise. In which case you will still be _you_ , however you choose to be you.”

“Is that why you stopped calling my Nagisa-kun?” he asked with sudden clarity.

Rei nodded. “I did not want to misgender you.”

Nagisa hummed softly in response. He thought over Rei’s words, replaying them in his head, trying to make sense of it all. He glanced over at Rei, who continued to stare straight forward at some point on the wall.

“You must have been watching me really closely, to notice all of that.” Nagisa watched Rei’s cheeks color and smiled to himself.

“Yes, well,” Rei cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses with his free hand. “It’s only natural to watch the person you’re interested in. It would be difficult to court them if you knew nothing about their habits.” Nagisa froze, which caused Rei to tense up as well. He turned his head to better look at Rei.

“Interested in?” he repeated carefully, trying to find some other meaning to those words.

“I am aware gender identity and sexual orientation are not correlated. I have made no assumptions on your preferences, and am prepared to compartmentalize any undesired affection so that they will not affect the team or our friendship. I do not expect you to return my affection, but I felt it was necessarily for me to express them at this time.” Rei took a breath and turned his head to the side to meet Nagisa’s gaze. He sat up straighter and took a deep breath. “I am attracted to you Nagisa,” he declared confidently. “I am attracted to you on both a physical and emotional level. Though, I would like to note that I prioritize our emotional connection far above your physical appearance.”

“So…” Nagisa trailed off, still trying to digest what he had just been told. He broke away from the intense gaze. “Are you saying you don’t find me cute Rei-chan?” he joked flatly out of discomfort. Rei blanched.

“N-not at all Nagisa! I find you extremely attractive! If you wish, I can supply specific incidences in which I found you to be particularly cute!” Nagisa laughed honestly at Rei’s ridiculous declaration. Nagisa scooted so that he was sitting in front of Rei.

“Alright, alright. I believe you. You think I’m cute. …Whatever I am?” he asked the last part timidly.

“However you identify, yes.”

“Even if I’m not a boy?”

“You would still be you. I am attracted to you,” Rei gently pressed a finger to Nagisa’s chest to emphasize his point. “The person you are in here, no matter how your body looks.” He rested his palm atop Nagisa’s heart. Nagisa stared at the hand, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

“Rei-chan,” he murmured.

“I will stay by your side as long as you will have me.”

Nagisa threw his arms around Rei’s shoulder, trapping Rei’s hand between them.

“I want you to stay forever, Rei-chan,” he cried, pressing his teary face against the side of Rei’s neck. “I like you too.” He felt Rei sigh in relief.

“It makes me so happy to hear that. I had hoped that was the case, but I was worried that I had a confirmation bias and misinterpreted-” Nagisa nipped at the junction of Rei’s neck and shoulder effectively shutting him up.

“Rei, I like you. It’s why I wanted you on the swim team. Now stop overanalyzing my feelings.” Rei gently pushed Nagisa a short distance back. He pried his trapped hand and tilted Nagisa’s chin upward to look into his eyes.

“Nagisa, I like you,” he repeated with a smile before pressing his lips against the smaller boy’s.

Nagisa made a small noise of surprise before kissing back. He threaded his fingers into Rei’s hair and pulled their bodies closer together so that there was no space between them and Nagisa was nearly in Rei’s lap. He moaned when he felt Rei sweep his tongue against his lips and quickly parted his lips in response. He hadn’t expected Rei to be so dominant in his kisses, but Nagisa was hardly complaining. He plunged his own tongue into Rei’s mouth, never one to back down from a challenge.

When they broke apart, Nagisa could do little else but gasp for air, having suddenly forgotten how to breathe when Rei kissed him. Rei was just as out of breath when he said seriously, “I wish to date you, if you find that agreeable.”

“Are you seriously asking me this after kissing me like _that_?” Nagisa asked in disbelief, still slightly dazed. Rei shrugged slightly.

“It seemed like the proper thing to do. I want there to be no questions in regards to the nature of our relationship.” Nagisa rolled his eyes.

“Of course I’ll date you, you dork.” Nagisa kissed him again, just as passionately as the first. When they separated, Nagisa nuzzled his face into Rei’s shoulder. “Fluid,” he said softly.

“You’ll have to speak up Nagisa,” he replied, his own face buried in Nagisa’s blond locks. “It’s hard to hear you like this.”

“Just there are no questions in regards to the nature of my identity,” he parroted, “I’m gender fluid. Sometimes I feel masculine. Sometimes I feel feminine. Sometimes I don’t really feel like either.” Rei hummed softly into Nagisa’s hair.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said warmly, planting gentle kisses atop Nagisa’s head. “I appreciate you trusting with this information.” Nagisa giggled, wiggling closer into Rei’s embrace.

“What kind of person would I be if I kept something like this from my _boyfriend_?” Rei squeezed Nagisa tightly.

“I like the sound of that.” Nagisa could hear the smile in his voice.

“Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend!” Nagisa chanted giddily, squeezing him back.

“I’m so lucky to have such a caring partner.” Rei brushed his hands through Nagisa’s hair. “Do you have preferred pronouns for me to use?” Nagisa felt tears in well in his eyes and he crushed Rei’s lips in a passionate kiss.

Nagisa was certain he had the best boyfriend ever.


End file.
